I.C.E. Club – Madagascar

Living home before marriage

Leaving home before marriage; is this possible here in Madagascar? At what age? Can both boys and girls do that? How about financial issues? Malagasy culture and traditions? Well, a lot of questions to answer before we can make a decision.

Abroad, children leave parents’ home at 18. Here in Madagascar we are used to… well, supposed to… leave parents’ home after the wedding. Yet, many stay. Today, the question is: “should we leave home before marriage?” Yes and No.

NO

Why should we leave a place where we feel warm, protected, loved, no worry? Families are really important for Malagasy culture and traditions. Many parents never want their children go. There are many couples who still leave at their parents’ home even long time after their marriage so why thinking of leaving before it? Getting too much freedom may lead some youngsters to troubles: alcohol, drug, sex addiction… A friend strongly disagreed with the fact that an unmarried girl would leave home stating that girls can have “accidental” pregnancy. Also the society will find a girl leaving alone abnormal. Prejudices about these living alone girls will be always around such as they are whores… So it is better for a girl to stay safe at her parent’s home. Imagine you have to face problems, you will not be alone home, and you will have shoulders to lean on.

YES:

Getting married means you are mature, can be independent, can then handle any situation that may happen in your new home. What may happen if all of these come suddenly to you? You who were used to be at your parents’ home, not having many duties, no need to think of what to eat, no need to worry about the bills… You will not be ready! Living home before marriage can help you then to learn already these responsibilities. Of course, you may find out that you do not know how to cook, for instance. You will have time to call Mom and ask for advice. Wouldn’t you feel embarrassed if such a thing happens once you are married?

Freedom! Let’s talk about it. People also need freedom. Sometimes you need to be alone. Sometimes you need to run away from pressure home. Just silly examples: you like soup but your Mom will decide not to cook that. Or you want to follow a movie but your father wants to watch the news. You then buy your own TV set but your siblings share your room. A lot of little situations that may make you want to feel “free”. As another friend said, if you decide to wait until marriage to leave the parents’ place you may never find this freedom you want because you will be then stuck with your husband/wife and later, children. By freedom, you do not necessarily mean making stupidities which you know will destroy the rest of your life.

Leaving parents’ home, it is not like you will never see them again or stop loving them. Maybe, by leaving home you can help your parents and let them meet up again. No more children to take care of, no more argues to judge, romantic lunches and diners…

For now, many of the young Malagasy people who have left their parents’ home did it for studies, a few for job opportunities. And you, what do you think about it? Will you leave (or have you left) home before marriage?

‘Gender Equality’ was our topic on Saturday, June 12, 2010. By the way, if you are interested in joining the ICE Club, come at EPP Analakely Room 11 where we meet every Saturday from 10 a.m. to 12 noon.

Why do women claim for Gender Equality? Long long time ago, women did not have the right to vote, to go to school, to get a job, to express themselves. It is sad to know that in some countries until now, women are just good for giving birth, and doing housework. Many of these women are beaten by their husband. And it is so incredible to see the society accepting this.

This little story happened 2 years ago. I knew a guy who is from the South of Madagascar. His son pood and I heard him calling his wife to clean the baby. I asked if he could not do it by himself. Then he said ‘No way! This is woman’s duty. Where I come from, men cannot touch such ‘dirt’. This is our tradition and culture, and my wife and I, we both want to keep that’.

In many companies, pregnant women are not well accepted and can forget about a future promotion. These women may not be as efficient as they were before being pregnant, they would go to maternity leave, they would not work every time the baby got sick. I remember 5 years ago, I had a job interview. The Human Resources Manager of this company asked if I had a boyfriend!!! I said ‘no’ and then wanted to know why she asked such private life question. She said ‘we need a serious person to work with us’ and added ‘don’t disappoint us by getting married and pregnant after a year working here’.

My brother knows everything about housework: shopping, cooking, sewing, washing clothes, ironing, taking out trashes, cleaning rooms… Few years ago, he did not know any of these. I am so thankful to our Mother for having taught him and let him do housework. It can be just good for him.  I know several families where guys have absolutely no duty. They can just come home and ask for the meal. There are other families where cooking, laundering, shopping are for girls and cleaning the room and taking trashes out for boys. Though, you never know what the future will be. Maybe your son would be alone in his life because he got scholarships abroad, or lost his wife…

As I said earlier, long long time ago, women did not have the right to vote, to go to school, to get a job, to express themselves. I am so happy I went to school. I was so happy when finally I was 18 and could vote for the first time in my life. I am so happy I can earn money so I am financially independent. I am so happy when my opinions count. I am so thankful to everyone who has fought for these rights.

Why do (some) men do not want gender equality? A friend said he does not want women to be higher than him; he wants to be the leader; he wants to be the one who decides what to do or not. He said he would never go out with a woman who has higher diploma than him, who earns more than he does, who would give him money for him to be able to buy a car for instance. Another ‘male’ friend was just afraid we ‘women’ want to be higher than men in every field. I just want to stress on the word ‘equality’. Women are claiming for gender ‘equality’. If they want to be bossy then it will be ‘inequality’.

I am married for only 10 months now and maybe I luck experiences as many are used to say but I do not know if it can help. My husband and I are used to decide together what to do. When we moved in our new flat on January, we took time to talk and to take note about what should be done for our home starting with the color of the walls to the furniture and the foods. Like any discussion, both of us give opinions, say why he likes this or why I prefer this one… Then, for the final decision we choose the best, no matter whose idea it was.  And it is so great because we feel that it was a common choice and decision.

A little joke

When you’re running an English club or any other association and brainstorm on activities, there’s a parameter you should take into consideration more than others. Means or simply “money”.

When we started four years ago, we chose (already at that time) a relatively low membership fee. We really took time to think and choose the most appropriate amount required to join the club. For four years, we’ve been sticking with this same figure because we know it is still hard for most of our members to (annually) pay it. The rate of people visiting the club and then enrolling is low and we’re sure that “money” has a lot to do with it. When you say 8,000 Ar per year, that seems … few still it impacts someone’s decision on joining or not. Three or four weeks ago, we had new comers – they were all students – and they seemed to be interested in joining the club but at the end of the meeting they came to me and ask if they could pay their membership fees the next month. This situation is not isolated, we’ve seen it many times and what we tell them is just to keep their words and respect their promises.

During our last MS at Ankatso, Lova – an active member – and I had a quite long talk about how means affect members during outdoor activities. He proposed then that the club would take in charge a part of the expenses. We wish we could but our will are limited in a way that we can’t do it for a long run. The club doesn’t have other (sustained) sources of income. Knowing this, Lova aksed if we could increase the membership fee. On one hand it’s risky, we may lose more members and make the enrolling conditions harder. On the other hand, the more you pay, the more you care.

More than 90% of our members are students and they can hardly afford the membership fee. We’ve noticed that they rely on their scholarship which – at least a big part of it – I guess should go somewhere else to pay the membership fee. With the current situation, things have become worse and it’s hard to see your members not coming anymore. We do understand but we’re powerless infront of it.

When we were at the ACC English club a friend asked a question “You guys are learning at the ACC so for you is it a luck, an opportunity or a duty?”. With a 6-year backoff, this question came back to me with a different meaning from what I understood it before. When I think of what people pay to learn English I realize that they are lucky to be able to afford it. And luck may bring opportunities. If we look farther it doesn’t only apply to English language learning but to other fields of life as well.